Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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