i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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