People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
