Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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