her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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