my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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