This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
