the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
