Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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