Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
