this beer tastes like vomit already
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
