It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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