I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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