i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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