OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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