If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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