you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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