He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
