My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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