Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
