Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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