The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
