Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
