I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
