What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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