just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
