you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
