I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
