Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You're a waste of cheezeits
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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