Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
