he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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