I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
