people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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