I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
