is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
