she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
