I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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