look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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