Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
