Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
