Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
