sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
