i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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