She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
