I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
