i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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