if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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