You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
