After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Green mimosas i think yes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
