need another drink. this is the easiest way
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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