Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you had me at cake vodka
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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