I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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