You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
