census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
