The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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