I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
where are you?
Hypothermia
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
