Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
