Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
