Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
