I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
