You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
