I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize