what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
