You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
