I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
