I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
