I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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