Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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