if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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